No such thing as 'me time'

Right now I should be wrapped in my pjs whilst eating a late dinner post spin class. Instead I'm wrapped in my pjs, no dinner, no spin class. The second time this has happened this week. The reason..me forever having to deal with the kids.

The gym is the only time I get out the house ALONE! No kids fighting for my attention. I don't even get to shower or pee alone. This is motherhood. So I like the gym, me time. 

Instead I'm doing my motherly duties which made me late for my classes this week. I'm especially annoyed tonight as I was sitting with flynn whilst he ate his dinner, nicely,  which he NEVER does. Realised I then only had 5 minutes to get isla fed and in bed. Whilst rushing isla into bed I asked lee if he could drop me off instead of me catching the bus but no he's had too many drinks. I got dressed and ran out the house, forgot my drink, got said drink, run to bus stop. Bus drives past. FML. Wait 10 minutes, not going to make it. Stomp home.

Me time is fucked.

Mood

Can someone please snap me out of this mother of a bad mood! Its been hovering for a couple of weeks now and it's making me one of those mothers I don't want to be. Shouty, short patients and an extreme grump. Poor Flynn is getting the brunt end of it. Every time I shout louder then necessary or tell him off for the stupidest thing i kick my self and then ill see him playing nicely and feel extra guilty!

I know the problems that are making me feel this way. A multitude of lack of sleep - Isla likes to wake up 3 times a night of recent, money worries, the decorating if half done and the house is falling apart around us, flynn is in a whiney/I'm not listening to you stage which is driving me barmy! Just to name a few. And the fact that I let all these things get to me the way they do brings me down a little more.

I'm even boring myself blabbing about it. Just snap out of it woman!!

Pushchair dilemma

Ive probably just experienced most of the reasons why I should have got a double buggy. But no I thought was being cheap and wise by buying a pram that easily converted from carrycot to seat unit (my3) with a bughy board and baby bjorn. Until today I was cheap and wise. Today I was just cheap! Lovely day at my mamas, followed by walk to bus stop to go home, isla in pram, flynn on board, rather loaded pram. Get to bus stop, stupidly long wait, so flynn naps on my shoulder whilst perched on my hip. All good until I get on said bus trying to look all pro like im some sort of muscle woman. Im pretty sure I failed miserably.  Some lovely lady must have seen the sheer worry in my face at the thought of getting off the bus and helped me off the bus which was AMAZING! But god did my arm die from the 2min walk from bus stop to home!

This has never happened before, so a double buggy has never been in the question. But do I need one now just because of this one incident?  Flynn is nearly 3. And I am a bit of a buggy whore (5 of the buggers). Im taking a very good guess at saying Lee will laugh in my face. Hard. At me mentioning a new pram, let alone a preloved one! Hm I can look in the mean time. Watch this space pram lovers.

Getting fit

It seems that I am starting most peoples new years resolutions in April. Having a tiny baby and troublesome toddler doesn't really give you much time to focus on anything else other then them. And I was totally content doing that for the first 3 months. Now we're in a bit of a routine (I think?)  I've dusted off the old trainers and endulged in some new work out clobber in an effort to get fit. This belly is checking out. But seeing as I'm still breastfeeding and plan to for a bit longer I'm not exactly dieting,  just easting more fruit and veggies and trying to glug aqua like it's going out of fashion. 

So Thursday consisted of a starter run of jogging for 60 seconds, walking for 90 seconds, 8 times. Not as bad as I thought it was going to be bitni syked myself up all day and promised myself it woild happen.  I even wore my trainers all day to get me in the mood. Then the snow came and I started to panic. I wanted to run not kill myself! As soon as Lee got home on went the work out bra and off I went. I even saw some fellow runners and gave them thd 'well done you' nod. After all runners world website did say I was a runner even after the first run!

Next is spinning on Sunday morning. Now this I know this will kill me but I will stick at it. I will, I will, I DEFINITELY will! If in a weeks times I change my tune then I will be looking for some major motivation and a kick up the backside! Lee's already gone all Richard Callender on my ass.

Im off to search my inner school girl and buy a skipping rope for the days in between runs and spinning class. Watch this space...

23

23 is my new magic number. Old I know. Pah. I look about 25, feel 85. Other then that I had a lovely day on Tue,  was very spoilt with gifts and flowers and chocolates and a lovely thai dinner ordered from our favorite thai place. Was looking forward to my first glass of wine since finding out I was pregnant but Isla had other ideas and would not settle and fed on and off all evening so I had half a glass that was enjoyed by the sip over about 3 hrs! Had a late night. Wait for it. 10pm! Geez am I paying for it now. And will finish with going shopping tomorrow with Danielle. Lavley!

Resolution

I've been thinking long and hard about what resolution I want to make and try really hard not to break. No booze..that's easy as I'm breast feeding. No sweets...I can live without anyway. Exercise more...no chance, I don't even get a chance to wee let alone get out the house by myself. This pointless list could go on, so I came to the conclusion to think a bit deeper, delve in a bit more and think about me. Me as a mother, as a friend, lover, and me just for me. My mind is always going 1000mph...dinner, dishes, Flynn, washing, Isla, money money money, what side did I feed her last, is Flynn happy enough...I give my self a ruddy headache sometimes. So 2013 is a year to clear my mind and keep moving forward. I suffered with PND for quite some time after I had Flynn and it was the most terrifying place to be, I hated the person I was and was scared to be me. I hid in a small hole from the people who loved me most and kept telling myself I didn't need to come out. Little things like answering the phone, even to people I knew, shook me up. Leaving the house was a struggle and getting up out of bed even worse. I was in a deep dark place, even with the help of antidepressants. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone!
So here's to looking up and onwards, to a happier healthier mind and to keep open arms to all the people I love. I'm not going to tell myself this is going to be easy, but I'm going to give it a god damn good go I tell ya!