The last feed

13 months and 19 days. 13 months and 19 days of feeding Isla. 13 months and 19 of 'giving her the best start in life'. And all I'm left with is the guilt that I didn't carry on for as long as possible. Stupid huh?! This morning Isla had her last feed. Although I did not realise that it would be the last feed. Good I suppose, overwise I would have been a blubbering mess.

I've been pondering over the past week whether Isla Is getting the very best out of breastfeeding any more. Whether it's just a habit or if she is actually gaining any thing from it. Obviously she'd be getting some nutrients, but was it enough?

Before my Mum went into hospital just after new years, we had to cut feeds from as and when Isla 'needed' (she was one) a feed to once in the morning, once before I left the house to go to the hospital (twice a day) and when I got back, once after a meal and at bed time. So she was still feeding a fair bit. That soon went down to 3 feeds a day, then to just once in the morning and once at bed time. That's been the past couple of weeks. But the past week my nipples have been really sore. Like newborn sore but unlike a newborn she was only feeding twice a day so I thought they would heal pretty quick. I put them down to Isla sucking harder as she had missed it in the day and maybe my milk had gone down, feeds were shorter before she was coming off and looking at my boob a bit confused. I was wrong. They're still sore. So this evening she was tired at about half 6, half hr before bedtime and the thought of feeding her didn't really seem that appealing. I got her ready for bed and put some milk in a bottle (something she's never taken), sat in our usual chair in her dimmed bedroom and she drank the milk. Wasn't even bothered! I gave her a kiss and lay her in her sleeping bag, gave her her cuski and shut the door. She didn't even care that I hadn't fed her. And that was that. And then the tears came. I cried and cried. Like I hadn't cried for years. I couldn't stop. And I couldn't tell you where they came from. It's only breastfeeding after all. Something I thought I would never be able to do.

I'm sure the next few days will be hard. She already tries to get into my top during the day. But I'm hoping she just forgets (wishfull thinking). I said I would feed for a year but when 6/7/8 months came and it all became so easy I didn't mind how long we carried on for. She was still tiny after all. So I'm blessed we went for as long as we did. A whole lot longer than Flynn's journey. I will miss it. It was our quiet time and apart from sleeping it was when she was at her calmest.

Now where to buy some comfy ass bra's?!

Isla Baby at ONE!

Oh Isla, Isla, Isla. One once seemed so so far away. And I dreaded the day. It made me anxious. I wanted you to be a baby forever. Well the big 'One' finally came. And I tell ya, it ain't all that bad. Of course you're still my baby but you're a whole lot more fun!

We had a small affair for your birthday, you're a very lucky girl and share it with you Great Nanny (my Nan), so we shared the morning with her, and Nanny Wendy (my Mum). In the afternoon you got to see your Nanny Debbie, Pappy, Great Nanny Pat and Great Granddad Des! Luckily you were on top form all day and were in the party spirit!

Give me that cake!

Since then you've learnt to walk! A bit like a little drunk robot! But 3 weeks later and you're perfecting it. You like to climb on the coffee table & Flynn's bed, rather annoying might I add. Your favourite toys are Flynn's case for his DS, you carry it like a little handbag. Little animals, you like to tip them out of the tin and look at the one by one and stick them all in your mouth. Flynn's puzzles and playing cards, yes another annoying one, when will you learn to tidy them up after?! And your baby doll, poor thing gets bitten all over!

You're still a happy little bean and a pleasure to watch. You adore Flynn and he you. Although you still like to bite him for reasons unknown to anyone, but we're working on that. You make your self laugh, you like to clap, wave and dance. You're also a little vicious though, we all often get the odd slap, grab or poke. Your favourite foods are spag bol, chilli, noodles, broccoli and watsits! You're not keen on cows milk and I think our breastfeeding journey isn't quite over. You had you're first (and last, I hope!) visit to A&E when you had a reaction to egg, which you were thoroughly enjoying! And you've got 6 little teeth and I'm sure the 7th is trying to rear it's ugly head. 

Yes, you like to eat!

I wanted your first year to last forever but life after one must go on! You're a little love that's for sure but please learn to love sleep! So one turns out to be quite fun...what will the next few months bring?!

Isla Lei at 10 Months

I truly cannot believe how fast this year has gone. And having a baby born right at the end of the year really makes you see how fast time is flying. 10 months -- TEN! 

Isla really is a joy to be around and at 10 months her little personally really is shining though. She is the happiest baby and smiles at anyone and everyone. I will have to rein this in as she gets older -- STRANGER DANGER! Her crawling is adorable as she's just started to get it right and starts to explore the house -- mainly eating whatever lint is lying around! Before now, if Flynn ever hurt her or took something away she wouldn't kick up any fuss, I'd find myself saying "Flynn please don't do that, Isla is sad now" as she sits there not batting an eye lid! But now she makes herself heard. Oh god has Flynn got it coming! She's stored all the horrible things he's done to her and she's getting him back -- biting is her thing at the moment. If Flynn has bare legs, she goes storming over grabbing at him head first. It's quite hard telling a 10 month old off (for the sake of a 3 yr old) and her laughing in your face! 

Sleep is not on Isla's agenda right now. She used to settle herself so nicely, but teeth seem to be getting in the way of this. Or am I? (More on this later). Their are 2 toothies at the bottom of her little chops and 2 diddy one's just come though at the top. Her hair shines a little red in the sunshine and she refuses to wear a hat. I can't find any shoes to fit her titchy feet and her socks fall off ALL the time. We're still in 6-9 clothes and some 3-6! Standing is a new favourite but she can't quite find how to sit back down. We have to be in the right environment to feed as she's a nosy parker and my milk still sprays all over the joint!

Watching Isla grow is lovely, and watching her with Flynn is even better. They make each other laugh at the tiniest things. All they have to do is smile at each other. I feel so lucky to have my 2. They melt my heart as much as they make me pull my hair out. But such is life. I love watching her but it also makes me sad that she will no longer be a baby soon. What kind of toddler will she be?! Dare I ask!

Slightly milk drunk